Steven Tyler One-Ups J. Lo’s Oscar Nip-Slip on ‘American Idol’

So it’s time for the ‘American Idol‘ semi-finals. Go ahead — try and pretend you aren’t excited. We get three episodes this week, one dedicated to each gender of remaining singers, then a results-type show. Let’s see what Steven Tyler had to say about the 13 guys who performed Tuesday night.

First, of course, Ryan Seacrest had to welcome the judges and make a crack about the relatively conservative dress J.Lo was wearing, seeing as how she didn’t have a nipple falling out of it or anything.

And then we were off to the races.

Many lovely compliments for the first few singers followed. At this point in the season, everyone’s great and everyone’s in love and the judges pat themselves on the back for picking the group they have. In other words, the praise is effusive, even if it isn’t always entirely deserved.

After they came back from a commercial break though, the real fun began. Steven announced, “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar,” joking that Jennifer dared him to take off his pants and swim with the sharks last week, causing him to get a ton of press, but now “she’s out-pressing me.”

When she looked confused, he said, “Who am I?” and then sneezed and grabbed his shirt, pulling it to one side and exposing a nipple. A funny moment for sure, but we have to admit we’re feeling rather conflicted about being face-to-nip with Steven’s bare chest two weeks in a row.

J.Lo protested “there was no nipple!” but we’re hoping maybe she’ll try to outdo him next week and wear nothing but tassles. Or maybe just dark chocolate sauce. We hear he likes that.

What we saying is that ‘Idol’ is less “family” than it is “show” and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Moving along …

“Heejun, you sure can sing,” Steven serenaded a vocalist named Heejun, whose name is pronounced like the Beatles‘ ‘Hey Jude.’ Ever since the auditions, people have been singing the song when they’re addressing him. He seems like a nice enough guy and of course his name isn’t his fault, but that whole thing is gonna get old faster than J.Lo nipple jokes if they’re not careful.

Last week’s teaser was answered when we found out which former contestant the judges brought back after they originally cut him — it was big, deep-voiced Jermaine. His previous ouster is what gave rise to the “Sad Steven” side of Tyler’s personality, and pretty much bummed us out too, so we’re glad the dude’s back.

Wednesday night, we do this all over again with the female finalists. See you then.