Last Man Standing are articles intended to help the average guy prepare for some of life’s oddest events. It’s just advice. It’s better than being clueless.

We’ve all seen it before. Some guy in the park just stands there, holding onto his Labrador’s leash. A gaggle of beautiful women suddenly surround him and coo. “Oh, he’s so cute,” they say (about the dog, not the guy). The man starts wearing a dopy grin. You know he’s just in heaven. Why do you think he got the dog in the first place?

If you want to know how you too can turn the charms of your canine friend into female companionship (of the human kind), read on.

Get an Adorable Dog

The basics of winning over the fairer sex, while out and about with your dog, are pretty simple. Get a cute dog. The girls will flock over and lavish attention upon it, and if you’re lucky, you might get some of that attention as well.

Get a Really Ugly Dog

Wait, you’re thinking, you just told me to get an adorable dog. What’s going on here? Yes, we did say that, but an ugly dog can do the trick as well. Some dogs are so strange looking that they inspire sympathy, and can garner tons of attention. If the ladies feel sorry for your ugly dog, they’ll let you know. And they just might see you as an exceptionally good guy for taking such a poor, pathetic creature in, and giving it a loving home. You’ll suddenly be transformed into the savior of lost and unwanted things. Bet you didn’t know you were so caring.

Don’t Get a Handbag Dog

If your dog is smaller than the stick you throw for your game of fetch, you’ve chosen poorly. Come on, you’re a guy. Living in the city is no excuse (as long as you take your dog out for lots of exercise). You don’t have to get a giant Irish Wolfhound, but if you have a tiny dog that can fit inside a handbag, the ladies might question your ‘manly’ credentials. Those kinds of dogs are for them. Think about it.

Train Your Dog Well

A well-behaved dog can be your greatest collaborator. Most dogs already have the ‘poor me’ look down pat. If you can train your dog to beg silently (and politely), while following a woman around, you’ll be in like Flynn. And once you’ve gained the attention of the particular woman who has caught your eye, imagine how impressed she’ll be when you get your dog to shake her hand, and obey your every command.

You’ll be thinking, “Yeah, I’ve tamed a wild beast,” which will give your caveman-like ego a boost.

She’ll be thinking, “Awe, he spent so much time training his dog. Imagine how good he’ll be with our children…”

Well, no plan is perfect.

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